Starting the job search before I go insane. (Or more insane…)

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , on August 27, 2013 by generatedanomaly

The knitting is going well. I think I’ve got it down, but I might want another fifty or sixty rows to make sure.

Today has a different sort of challenge going on. I’m working in job applications. I hate looking for a job, but I’ve reached a point where I dread going to work and there is a huge sigh of relief when I leave for the day. My shoulders get tight. More often than not, I have a headache from the stress. So, it’s past time for a new job.

The problem is finding one that’s close to home that I’m not considered beyond qualified for. Stupid Master’s degree anyway… Not that I regret that I have it, just that it makes it harder for me to find a job. Though, I would think that the fact it’s in education might make it easier for me to find one. Everyone knows that the education field is inundated.

I think really, I’m just tired of cleaning up other people’s messes. Not that it won’t happen other places, but if I’m starting at the bottom, it’s less likely to be a thing right off. And maybe, just maybe, I can find a job that I don’t mind or even like and that will reduce my stress and let me get more writing done. Which is really the entire goal of my existence.

I have a new hobby.

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on August 23, 2013 by generatedanomaly

I’ve realized I can’t be writing all the time. I try, but sometimes the brain just sort of gets awkward and doesn’t want to cooperate. It happens. And I don’t always want to play video games… They’re awesome, but yeah. So, to the end of entertaining myself, I’ve decided to take up knitting.

I thought about it before. Partly because it seems like a thing, and the rest because I want to knit myself a replica of the fourth Doctor’s scarf. I had a dream that I wore it to work the other day and it sort of spurred me on.

Today, I bought my knitting needles and some deep purple yarn to practice with. I’ve already made decent progress in just a couple of hours. I’m feeling pretty good about that and what the future will hold.

I’ve also been thinking about making jewelry. That has a bit more of a start up cost, but I’ll get where I want to be eventually with the crafting and the writing and all the little bits of life that are strung out there for the world to see.

The fog has lifted.

Posted in Uncategorized with tags on July 21, 2013 by generatedanomaly

I started writing again, well, not so much writing as working on revisions. It’s a place to start, a step in the right direction and, truth be told, I feel better about life when I’m getting words down on the page. Or, at the very least when I’m manipulating the ones I’ve already put there.

So, that’s it really. That’s the thing that I need to work my way through. I know what makes me happy and I need to struggle through and perfect my process if I’m going to pursue what I want from life. I can do it. I know I can do it.

Maybe then I’ve managed to get past my crisis. I feel better than I did a couple of weeks ago, as if I’ve made the important decision looming over me and found out there wasn’t really a decision to make, just banishing the doubts lingering at the back of my mind.

So, now, I put my head down and get through the words. I’ll make them better and get to do all those things that I’ve been wanting to do. Go to the conventions and do signings and readings and the fun sort of work related writer things that go with being published. It’ll be fantastic and all I need to do is put in a ridiculous amount of work now.

A splash of self-loathing.

Posted in Uncategorized on July 10, 2013 by generatedanomaly

I’m feeling lost. That’s really an understatement. It’s more like I’m permanently lost, like I’ve never managed to figure out what I needed to do or what was going on. I know what I want to do. I guess that’s a thing. I just seem to be having trouble taking the next step toward making it a reality.
I know what I need to do. I know I need to take chances and put myself out there, but then I get into this nice, safe routine and it’s all I can do get out of it. I hate myself sometimes. I do. I need to get over this hurdle, over this random little bump in the road toward what I want out of life because I know if I can get my shit together, then the rest of what I want will fall into place.
I just need to get my shit together. Which is a lot easier to say than to do, but only because of the self-loathing it generates. Because really, why haven’t I managed to get where I want to be by now? That’s the question I need to answer. Once I find one, then I can move on with things and get to the fun part of life that I’ve really wanted to experience instead of the mundane bullshit that I seem to be stuck with.

Small update on life.

Posted in Uncategorized on June 18, 2013 by generatedanomaly

So, here we are, June already. It’s been quite the year. Things haven’t exactly gone to plan, not that it was ever really a plan. More like a thing. A huge, complicated thing filled with insanity and uncertainty and a bit of fun.

My writing’s been going all right. I’ve started querying the novel again. I need to get some more out since I’ve reached the point of no return on the first batch. Somewhere in the mess I’ve started writing the fifth novel to the series. I really need to get myself an editor or something. Of course, that costs money I don’t have, which is more true now that it was even a few weeks ago.

I had to put a new engine in my car immediately after putting new brake lines on it. Monday, brake lines, Saturday, car overheated. It’s a thing. I get it back next week. Next week. If I’m lucky. Though, my luck seems to be spotty at best.

It’s another thing. That’s all. I just need to keep plugging away at what I can control and try to post more often because somewhere along the line I said I wanted to and I really should. I might have more pointed things to say if I worked at it a bit more.

If Monday could stop being a Monday, that’d be great.

Posted in Uncategorized on February 4, 2013 by generatedanomaly

Today has been a day. It started with getting up at 5:00 this morning and wading through eight inches of snow to get to my car. I dig out the car, finding it odd that it was an angle when I parked it straight. Finishing my dig out, I begin brushing it off to find the tail light broken and the bumper dented.

Unable to do anything about it, I head to work. I sent a text message to my landlord, who might be looking at it tonight or tomorrow. Probably tomorrow at this point.

Then people called off at work, but that’s sort of expected when there’s a ridiculous amount of snow and the roads haven’t really been plowed. It’s a little annoying when it’s always the same people though. Makes you feel like you can’t depend on them to show up for work, which, when you’re in the hierarchy of management is sort of horrible.

The rest of the work day went well enough, after a slight moment of panic as to where I left my keys. Well, until I gave myself a paper cut on my finger that bled for a good ten minutes. It still hurts, but I’ll live and that’s the important part at this point.

The drive home started out all right, but I drove through a horrible band of lake effect snow that sort of wanted to blot a swath of central New York off the map, and considering which portion it was, I can’t really blame it. I made it home safe, and only an hour after I expected, but since I spent most of that hour still at work and getting paid for it, I won’t complain too much.

Now I can hole up in the apartment and wait for Monday to go away without causing me anymore problems, it’d be appreciated. I’d like to get some writing done.

Fate?

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , on February 3, 2013 by generatedanomaly

One of my friends posed the question on Facebook: Do you believe in fate?

It’s an interesting question, one that makes you stop and think. Or at least, it makes me stop to think. It’s a loaded question. If the answer is yes, then it takes the control for what happens in your life out of your hands. If the answer is no, then everything just seems like chaos.

My answer is yes, but not because I want something to decide my life for me. There are fixed points in time. Things that happen because everything leads to them. There’s no way around it.

Plus, there’s always something we’re supposed to be doing with our lives. Sometimes we run from it. Sometimes we embrace it. We’re happiest when we embrace it, when we use all the talents that the universe gave to us.

This is the question I needed to be asked, because it broke through the hopeless funk surrounding me. My fate is something far greater than working a retail job that I have no real interest in. It’s linked to the insane dreams I have, and the horrible sense of righteousness that envelopes me when I’m not entirely paying attention. I need to stop being afraid of what might happen, of rejection, and just put myself out there.

Seems like a fantastic idea, now I just need to do it.