Archive for the writing Category

What a long, strange week this has been.

Posted in Life as it happens, writing with tags , , , on June 20, 2014 by generatedanomaly

Monday. It started Monday. I was at work and Mom called, except I didn’t take the call because I was at work and on the floor. So, I get to the office and call her back  for her to tell me that Dad is being taken to the hospital and they didn’t know what was wrong with him. I left work. I drove down to my parents’ to stay with their dogs until they got home. Which was about 8:00 Monday night.

Dad’s fine. Which is to say they still aren’t sure what happened, but that all his vitals were normal. That hasn’t stopped a distinct feeling of dread every time my phone rings. Just in case some thing else has gone awry.

I spent the night. Left there just before 8:00 Tuesday morning. Drove home. Called Mom to let her know I was home and safe. Then showered and napped. Two hours later… Just groggy as hell for the rest of the day.

Wednesday was just odd. Like I couldn’t get my head out of my ass. Went to work. Got as much done as humanly possible before saying “Fuck it. I’m going home.” Which, by the way was the end of my scheduled shift. Still, I wanted to make up part of the time I lost Monday because those two hours make far more of a difference than anyone else might suspect.

Maybe part of my problem was the complete lack of work getting done, or, more to point, the lack of proper prioritization of what needed to be done. Stuff that should get done in a timely fashion is ignored for things that don’t matter as much, and wouldn’t be important if we managed to get things done when they were scheduled. But that’s a different rant.

Thursday. Work. Again. Go in. Bust ass. Get stuff done, but still, just an emotional wreck, like there’s so many unresolved things just hanging over my head. But, mostly, it was because I hadn’t had a day to properly disengage from the world. Tuesday was my first day off and that was spent being exhausted. Today is my second one.

Today. I get a text message asking if a rumor is true. So, I do some poking and find out that it was. My boss is no longer with the company. There are a lot of mixed feelings there that will get sorted out when the dust settled. On one hand it sucks. On the other, maybe things will move a bit more smoothly now. We won’t know until we get there. What I do know is that I’ve managed to get more writing done today than I have all week and that makes me feel amazing. And with that comes the realization that if I can write, then the rest of life will sort itself out because maybe I’ve already found my secret to happiness.

Reflection

Posted in Projects, writing with tags , , , on June 3, 2014 by generatedanomaly

It’s strange to think that it’s been half a year since I posted anything, but then, at the same time, it makes perfect sense. I’m that person that doesn’t like to attract attention to myself. I don’t want people looking in my direction, even when I’d much prefer to have some sort of accolade or the promise of something better.  Because, really, that’s what I want. Something better.

And, to an extent things have improved. We have a new store manager at work. He’s turned the store around and made my job better, even if there are aspects I do hate. He gives me a certain level of freedom to do what I want, to make choices, to see how far I can run with certain things. Eventually, he’ll give me what I want and let me rip the whole department apart and put it back together in a more thorough way than I tend to manage. That would make me happy, until I think about the fact that I’m content and happy in an awkward middle management job where I’ll likely never get ahead because I didn’t take my chance when I had it. Either of them. Out of fear maybe, or perhaps it’s because I have more time for my true love where I am. I get more writing done now than I would if I took a salaried position.

I’ve made progress on the writing front. I self published the first two novels in my series on both Amazon and Barnes and Noble. (The links for Awakening are: http://amzn.to/1jaoCwc and http://bit.ly/1n4tjxi. The links for Lost in the Woods are: http://bit.ly/1n4tjxi and http://bit.ly/1n4utso) I published a short story collection that I had kicking around forever. I’ve written so many things in between, now I just need to polish them, send them out, and see where that gets me. Hopefully published and paid. I’d like that, but constructive criticism would also be a thing. It will help me make progress in a generally forward direction.

There’s another idea I have floating around my mind. It’s a thing, a small thing, well, probably more like a large thing. I’m thinking about a bakery/tea shop. I’ve got a name, a theme inside my mind. I’m in a waiting pattern, not willing to act on it until it’s been floating around my head for six months and still seems like a good idea. Then I’ll buckle down, do the research and see if it’s even plausible. At the very least, it will give me something to play with later on, and if it does play out, that will be amazing and fantastic. I’d love to have something that was mine, just mine, not dictated to  by anyone. I need to take a risk somewhere and this seems like one that might pay off.

Reflections of the cusp of thirty

Posted in writing with tags , , , on October 29, 2013 by generatedanomaly

Halloween is just around the corner. After that, November begins and my birthday looms ahead like some awkward thing waiting to shank me and leave me in a pool of blood while it walks away laughing. I’m going to be thirty this year. I keep telling myself it’s not a big deal, that I’m going to step over the threshold into the beginning of being middle aged with a bit of dignity. Then, then I think about what I’ve accomplished and managed to get done in the last ten years and I sort of weep.

Which, really isn’t fair to myself. I’ve done a lot. I’ve met people and lived and become a better writer because of it. That’s, I think, the more important thing to take away from the mess. The real problem is I anticipated doing something more exciting than working retail on the edge of thirty. But, then I suppose, we all have to work our way through some awkward phase to get where we want to be and there’s no sense in feeling sorry for oneself. Well, no more than necessary anyway. It’s not like I don’t have enough self-loathing to convincingly pull off being Dean Winchester for Halloween. The short hair cut does help, more than a little, but the guilt and self-loathing are hard to fake.

So, tonight, I’m going to sit here in my new shirt, watch horror movies with friends and try really hard not to think about the gray hairs creeping along the edges of my temples and the fact that I can’t drink as much coffee as I used to, but that my alcohol tolerance is still ridiculous. I’m going to count my blessings on that and carry on. Because, really, thirty isn’t even close to the end of the world, or my lifetime and there’s plenty of time for finding my partner and have adventures. Especially now that I’ve gotten my life path all figured out and sorted. Well, mostly figured out. And not really sorted. But I have a thing. Which is like a plan, but with more grandeur.

Of storms and random thoughts.

Posted in writing with tags , , , , on September 4, 2012 by generatedanomaly

The rain started now, louder than before. The thunder has faded into the background, lightning past with it until the other edge of the storm gets here. In the mean time, I’ll listen to the rain and work on the fourth novel in the series I’m querying and find all the peace that comes with a good storm and good words.

Yesterday, I left work early. Not sure what was going on, whether it was sleep deprivation, or actually being sick, but I slept for fourteen hours and felt better. I napped a little earlier, but it wasn’t much of a nap. My brain is running a mile a minute, refusing to slow down. I need to get words out if I’m going to have any hope of sleeping tonight. And, I do want to sleep tonight. I have a long day at work tomorrow.

I can’t help but wonder if the increased activity is a precursor to something, or just boredom. It might be boredom. In which case, I need to find something to fill my time. Though, I’m hoping it’s a precursor. I’d love for life to get more interesting that it is, and I’d love for the reason to be what the random thoughts have led to, because they’re full of adventure and awesomeness. We could all use more adventure and awesomeness.

The vagueness might be unwarranted, but I really don’t want to jinx myself. So, I’ll keep things vague until I understand what  it is that might happen or will happen, and from there, we’ll see where life leads. I’m certain it’s going to be somewhere filled with adventure, even if I have to create it myself.

Still right where I need to be.

Posted in writing with tags , , , on September 2, 2012 by generatedanomaly

Sitting here, thinking about life in general and all the random decisions that bring us to where we are, I realized something important. There are people that we will meet no matter what path we take. It’s not so much profound as a painful reality. Some people are just there to break your heart, and you will find them no matter what.

Maybe I should back up a bit. A few years back, I decided I really wanted to be a Special Agent for the FBI. (Obviously that didn’t pan out. I need to “distinguish” myself. Whatever.) I could have made that happen if I wanted it more than I wanted to see my name on the cover of a published book, but since being a published author is a much older dream, I’m going for that one. Anyway, my ex was, at one time working on a psychology degree with the intent of becoming a profiler with the FBI. Life happened, he didn’t end up there, but our lives intersected.

So, I’m willing to wager that if everything panned out for those two alternate paths, we would have in fact met. And, since the universe is cruel, much the same thing would have happened.

I’m content with that knowledge, that there was no way to avoid the end because what happened was already written, set up as fixed point in time so that whatever happens next could happen. I know one thing, if I was still with my ex, I wouldn’t be gearing up for a LARP. I might not be working on my fifth and sixth novels, or the scads of short stories I’m trying to get done. I certainly wouldn’t be living on my own (which, I’ve become quite fond of). So, yes, it hurt, I’m still putting the pieces back together, but without pain, there’s no getting to what’s next. There’s no next chapter or next book. There’s no change or growth. Maybe that’s all that matters. Change and growth, searching for answers to the deepest, most personal questions, and becoming a better person.

I hope so, because if I’m wrong, then I’ll have a much different story to tell later on.

I get excited about strange things.

Posted in writing with tags , , on May 23, 2012 by generatedanomaly

I finally got my first piece of new furniture up in the living room. It’s my bookshelf, pleasantly lined with the all of the books that were sitting on the floor. My trade paperbacks fit on one shelf, my chemistry books on another, and it looks so very nice in the corner of the room. I think I want to get another shelf and set up my DVDs and video games next to it. And, eventually a tv stand, and chairs and whatever else I need to make it look fantastic and more like a home.

I’ve been spending most of my time at my desk which happens to be in my bedroom. That’s not a bad thing per se, because I need to get more work done. Revisions and such for short stories, a proper synopsis for my first novel, and some work for my D&D campaign are on the list for this week. I decided to use my white board for lists instead of ancient murderboards because in all likelihood, I won’t go back to the story it was a part of. Not that I don’t like the characters involved, but more that I’ve out grown what they were meant for. Which does seem odd.

The other thing  I’m realizing is how horribly spoiled I was by the air conditioning at my last residence. It’s humid and sticky already. At least there are trees surrounding my apartment, not that they help completely. I’m hoping my window fan doesn’t die. It’s the only thing keeping me comfortable.

My last two months, the abbreviated version.

Posted in writing with tags , , , on April 16, 2012 by generatedanomaly

I know it’s been a while, over two months actually. A lot has happened, more than a lot. It’s been the sort of two months that makes a girl realize what she really wants from life, what things are important and what things aren’t. Yeah. That sounds about right.

Let’s start at the beginning, well, more like the middle. Back in February, my boyfriend decided he wanted to break up. There was a bit of crying on my part. Okay, so a lot of crying, and a bit of denial. Then, the inevitable knowledge of my needing to find a new place to live kicked in and right along with it the understanding that I had no money. Well, I had money, but certainly not enough to survive on my own.

I started looking for another job, because moving without money won’t happen. I ended up getting a promotion at my current job to full time, complete with a nice raise in pay. So, that was no longer a problem. Then came the looking for a place to live. Oswego is a college town, and as such, about 90% of the leases run from June to May. Sometimes people have to move early, and there are places that rent year round because they prefer non-students, but I kept striking out there.

Then, through a job, my ex found a possible place for me to live. It’s a nice little one bedroom apartment with the living room and kitchen downstairs and the bedroom and bathroom upstairs. I like it, and I’m sure it not being painted some lame neutral color has a lot to do with that. But, also, it’s my own space, one that I can use however I want as long as I stay within the terms of the lease.

I moved in last Sunday, or rather, started the process last Sunday. I tried to get my power set up, but they required a copy of the lease, which ended up buried in the moving process. So, they shut my power off on Friday before I could fax it. It’s back on now, thankfully.

So, here I am. In my own apartment, single, but optimistic for what the future holds. I’ve been writing more furiously than in a long time, like some horrible blockage melted away. So, yes, I’m good despite all the random, not so pleasant things that have happened in the past two months. As a good friend told me, when the dust settles, I always seem to be doing better than before. I hope it’s starting to settle, because I’m ready for the next thing.