Archive for the Life as it happens Category

What a long, strange week this has been.

Posted in Life as it happens, writing with tags , , , on June 20, 2014 by generatedanomaly

Monday. It started Monday. I was at work and Mom called, except I didn’t take the call because I was at work and on the floor. So, I get to the office and call her back  for her to tell me that Dad is being taken to the hospital and they didn’t know what was wrong with him. I left work. I drove down to my parents’ to stay with their dogs until they got home. Which was about 8:00 Monday night.

Dad’s fine. Which is to say they still aren’t sure what happened, but that all his vitals were normal. That hasn’t stopped a distinct feeling of dread every time my phone rings. Just in case some thing else has gone awry.

I spent the night. Left there just before 8:00 Tuesday morning. Drove home. Called Mom to let her know I was home and safe. Then showered and napped. Two hours later… Just groggy as hell for the rest of the day.

Wednesday was just odd. Like I couldn’t get my head out of my ass. Went to work. Got as much done as humanly possible before saying “Fuck it. I’m going home.” Which, by the way was the end of my scheduled shift. Still, I wanted to make up part of the time I lost Monday because those two hours make far more of a difference than anyone else might suspect.

Maybe part of my problem was the complete lack of work getting done, or, more to point, the lack of proper prioritization of what needed to be done. Stuff that should get done in a timely fashion is ignored for things that don’t matter as much, and wouldn’t be important if we managed to get things done when they were scheduled. But that’s a different rant.

Thursday. Work. Again. Go in. Bust ass. Get stuff done, but still, just an emotional wreck, like there’s so many unresolved things just hanging over my head. But, mostly, it was because I hadn’t had a day to properly disengage from the world. Tuesday was my first day off and that was spent being exhausted. Today is my second one.

Today. I get a text message asking if a rumor is true. So, I do some poking and find out that it was. My boss is no longer with the company. There are a lot of mixed feelings there that will get sorted out when the dust settled. On one hand it sucks. On the other, maybe things will move a bit more smoothly now. We won’t know until we get there. What I do know is that I’ve managed to get more writing done today than I have all week and that makes me feel amazing. And with that comes the realization that if I can write, then the rest of life will sort itself out because maybe I’ve already found my secret to happiness.

Something on the horizon?

Posted in Life as it happens with tags , , on June 6, 2014 by generatedanomaly

I’ve had this odd feeling I can’t shake, one that lingers despite everything I do to get rid of it, as if I’m waiting for something I know is coming but can’t remember what that thing is. I can’t even remember when it started. It sort of crept up on me, just lingering in the back of my mind, out of sight with the promise of wrecking any peace of mind I might be able to find. Except, I’m not sure if that’s entirely true.

My entire life, I’ve had feelings, gut instincts that turn out to be right. I’ve made too many of my decisions based on those feelings. I’ve always ended up where I need to be. Always. It’s the sort of thing I’ve developed faith in over the years. So, I suppose, I just need to have faith now that things will work out in the best way  possible. It’s difficult, but every time I ignore that little voice in the back of my head something bad happens. So, maybe I should just stop ignoring it.

I’m sure I’ve said that before. I’m sure I’ve gone through this song and dance before. I’m not sure though, this feels different than before, not just waiting, but something else. I always get antsy before a large change comes. And, my card readings keep coming up with change and patience. Maybe I’ll have to listen.

Or, work harder. Or both. Both sounds good. Well, better than good really, since nothing ever comes without working at it, even the things we’re good at. We have to work at them, to get better at them, to advance.

The great tire escapade.

Posted in Life as it happens with tags , , on May 24, 2012 by generatedanomaly

This morning, after finishing my laundry I returned to my car. Drifting back toward the apartment, I realized it was making a worse noise than usual. It needs work done, so I thought nothing of it really. I returned to my parking spot. On a whim I checked my front passenger side tire to find it completely flat. A small flutter of panic filled my chest. I don’t have cash on hand, not usually. If I have it, I tend to spend it, and that’s just not good.

I returned my laundry to the apartment, grabbing my debit card and a dollar coin from my cat bank. My first stop was the gas station at the bottom of the hill. Their air pump possessed a crudely written out of order sign. Frustration mounting in my chest, I ventured toward the next one. I changed my coin for four quarters and hooked up the pump. This is where I learned to always read the directions first and not assume it will just work. I spent my dollar, but failed to hold down the little handle, so it didn’t fill the tire.

The gas station doesn’t do cash back yet, so I left it behind heading to the next one. Crossing the bridge, a nice (I assume so anyway) man told me my tired was flat. I nodded, yelled “I know” and waited for the light to change. I get to the station, get some money, and the necessary quarters to run the machine. This one is digital with a flat tire button. I fill the tire, then, since I still have time on the pump, check the other three. They were all lower than their recommended pressures. Maybe now my anti-lock brakes will behave. (That’s a different rant.)

At least my shift at the day job doesn’t start until 2:00 this afternoon leaving me plenty of time to be productive even after running around this morning. And be productive I shall.

An overly vague snynopsis of the numerous dark turns my life has taken.

Posted in Life as it happens, writing on February 8, 2012 by generatedanomaly

I  want to write something so badly, to get it all out where I can study it, but now isn’t the time. This isn’t the place. Not yet, not until the final changes are made and the world has righted itself once more. Except, I think my fear is that nothing will ever be right again. That maybe everything will always be wrong, slight askew on the mass tapestry that is life. I’ll never get where I want to be. I’ll always be working some dead end job because I don’t have the gumption to follow through.

Yeah. I don’t believe that either. If my life were a series, right now I’m in that space between books where all the boring stuff happens. Details are getting sorted and action is waiting to happen, but it’s all shuffling numbers and trying to figure out what can work and what won’t. It’s all shifting perspective, and down time before bursting into the next thing. Sometimes I wish I could skip the waiting and go right to the action. It’s also those moments when I wish I was independently wealthy. As horrible as it is, having money makes things happen more quickly. As it stands now, it will be at least a month before I can start to think about my plan. Then I’ll explain everything. Possibly in excruciating detail.

Reflections on 27 and Hopes for being 28.

Posted in Life as it happens, writing with tags , , , on November 20, 2011 by generatedanomaly

My birthday was Friday. I am now 28. In high school, that number felt so far away, the thought of being 30 never entered my mind. Now it sort of looms there, waiting for me with an open embrace and the promise that, really, things are just getting started. Because I’ve already done more in the last year than I’ve done in the previous ones and I’m certain that won’t stop.

I flew for the first time, and as far as first times go, it was a bit dodgy with the small commuter jet and the persistent rumble of the engine. The clouds were amazing, the landscapes of shadow and light above the cold mix of rain and snow beneath us.

I went to my first huge convention, PAX East. It was more and less than I expected, but it pulled me from a comfort zone and I’m glad for that. We’re going again this coming year (driving out this time. Six hours, but we get to spend more time in Boston, so I’m game.) which, when I think about does make me excited. I’m planning on going to more panels this time and milling about a bit more. I need to stretch that comfort zone a bit more and work on not getting annoyed with people just trying to do the same thing I’m trying to do.

I received my Masters’ degree. (Now to pay off the loans. Not looking forward to that bit.) It’s one of those things I’m glad I have, but it also leaves me with a bit of sadness because maybe I shouldn’t have spent quite so much money I didn’t have on school. The thing being that at the time, I needed to go back for my own sanity and my healing process. Now, I’m out and making the most of things, and looking for a more permanent solution than seasonal employment. But that’s neither here nor there.

I have, probably, the best boyfriend in the world, certainly the best I could ever hope for. He’s a bit rough to be around sometimes, but despite the constant attempts at being an asshole, deep inside he cares and holy hell is he supportive. That’s what I need more than anything else, someone to be emotionally supportive while I put myself through the wringer that is trying to get something published.

Perhaps the largest thing I’ve done this past year is throw myself into writing. I know I’ve said it before. I talk about it a lot, but I’m still wrapping my mind around it. I accepted the fact that I am a writer and it has made me a million times happier. The first thing I want to do in the morning is add words to whatever file I have open, even before coffee and breakfast.

So, there it is, the biggest highlights of last year. This year is going to be full of excitement and opportunity. I know it is, because 28 is a pretty cool number, plus I have no intention of sitting around and letting it be lame.

And, before I forget, my birthday celebration was pretty slamming. Other than the constant threats/promises of going to see Breaking Dawn. (I know she’s doing something right, but I really can’t stand the underdeveloped characters and shimmering vampires.) I’m glad for my friends, not just the ones that went with Randy and I, but everyone else too. I wouldn’t be where I am today without my friends, because while family is awesome, friends will go along with the crazy ideas long before they develop into rational, thought out ideas. All they ask is that you do the same in return, and maybe keep them from doing something that will land them in jail.

 

I’m pretty sure I’m not dead. I know I’m not on fire.

Posted in Life as it happens, Projects, writing on August 17, 2011 by generatedanomaly

What the hell is today? Wednesday? I guess that sounds right. After all, I’ve been doing something (day job, social engagement, or both) every day for a week. It doesn’t look to let up until this weekend.

I’m not complaining, only that I am a little. Computer time has been scarce. Writing time, well, I need to start making some more. Or making better use of the time I have. I did (finally) get the damned short story  I was tweaking straightened out. It only took a week, but the damn thing flows and might actually live up to the title now.

Next on the docket, er post-it note, another short story. I’m trying to decide if I want to drop the strung together project right now and go work on a couple competition pieces, or just get the project strung together then work on the competition pieces. Probably that second one since I have no idea what I’m going to write for the competition pieces and I know what I want to do with this project.

Right. So. Onward in a generally forward direction with fewer distractions. Maybe.

We’re supposed to be signing up for Planet Fitness today. Then I need something to workout in that my boyfriend will actually let me leave the house in. He’s not fond of the shorts I want to wear. Actually, he’s very fond of them, just not when I wear them in front of other people. So, that’s exciting, actually going to the gym will be the other thing, but if plot issues line up with gym hours, well that will help with the motivation to go because then I can go work out my aggression and have that happy little plot breakthrough we all want to have.

Writing it down might not help, but it makes me feel better.

Posted in job search, Life as it happens on August 10, 2011 by generatedanomaly

I need a new day job. Not that the one I have now isn’t spiffy and wonderful, because it is, but said day job ends in a couple weeks when I can no longer work as a “student worker” due to my graduated with my Masters’ degree status. I’ve filled out some applications. I need to fill out more, but the impending doom of not having any money coming in is hanging over my head.

None of the schools in the area are hiring science teachers. I’ve looked. They are looking for substitutes. I’ve put in a couple of those applications. Of course, if the day job ends up being a 8-4 or 9-5 thing, then the substitute teaching will be right out.

We do what we need to survive I suppose. That’s the scary part of humanity. Whatever it takes, we’ll do. Well, most of us will do whatever it takes. Some people roll over and give up. Not me though. I’ve come too far to give up. I’ve written too many things not to push forward with it.

I’ve reached the apply for random things and see what happens spot of the job search. It’s a bit of a scary place to be, but a lot of hiring mangers will see the Masters’ degree and automatically consider me overqualified. They’ll never look to see it’s in education and given the state of our educational system in this country, well, anything is better than nothing.

I have plans and lists and things to get done. It doesn’t help to ease the impending doom much. I can’t help but think that somehow things will work out and then I’ll have nothing to worry about. I’ll keep my optimism. It’s gotten me through so far.