A splash of self-loathing.

I’m feeling lost. That’s really an understatement. It’s more like I’m permanently lost, like I’ve never managed to figure out what I needed to do or what was going on. I know what I want to do. I guess that’s a thing. I just seem to be having trouble taking the next step toward making it a reality.
I know what I need to do. I know I need to take chances and put myself out there, but then I get into this nice, safe routine and it’s all I can do get out of it. I hate myself sometimes. I do. I need to get over this hurdle, over this random little bump in the road toward what I want out of life because I know if I can get my shit together, then the rest of what I want will fall into place.
I just need to get my shit together. Which is a lot easier to say than to do, but only because of the self-loathing it generates. Because really, why haven’t I managed to get where I want to be by now? That’s the question I need to answer. Once I find one, then I can move on with things and get to the fun part of life that I’ve really wanted to experience instead of the mundane bullshit that I seem to be stuck with.


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