Archive for July, 2013

The fog has lifted.

Posted in Uncategorized with tags on July 21, 2013 by generatedanomaly

I started writing again, well, not so much writing as working on revisions. It’s a place to start, a step in the right direction and, truth be told, I feel better about life when I’m getting words down on the page. Or, at the very least when I’m manipulating the ones I’ve already put there.

So, that’s it really. That’s the thing that I need to work my way through. I know what makes me happy and I need to struggle through and perfect my process if I’m going to pursue what I want from life. I can do it. I know I can do it.

Maybe then I’ve managed to get past my crisis. I feel better than I did a couple of weeks ago, as if I’ve made the important decision looming over me and found out there wasn’t really a decision to make, just banishing the doubts lingering at the back of my mind.

So, now, I put my head down and get through the words. I’ll make them better and get to do all those things that I’ve been wanting to do. Go to the conventions and do signings and readings and the fun sort of work related writer things that go with being published. It’ll be fantastic and all I need to do is put in a ridiculous amount of work now.

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A splash of self-loathing.

Posted in Uncategorized on July 10, 2013 by generatedanomaly

I’m feeling lost. That’s really an understatement. It’s more like I’m permanently lost, like I’ve never managed to figure out what I needed to do or what was going on. I know what I want to do. I guess that’s a thing. I just seem to be having trouble taking the next step toward making it a reality.
I know what I need to do. I know I need to take chances and put myself out there, but then I get into this nice, safe routine and it’s all I can do get out of it. I hate myself sometimes. I do. I need to get over this hurdle, over this random little bump in the road toward what I want out of life because I know if I can get my shit together, then the rest of what I want will fall into place.
I just need to get my shit together. Which is a lot easier to say than to do, but only because of the self-loathing it generates. Because really, why haven’t I managed to get where I want to be by now? That’s the question I need to answer. Once I find one, then I can move on with things and get to the fun part of life that I’ve really wanted to experience instead of the mundane bullshit that I seem to be stuck with.