Still right where I need to be.

Sitting here, thinking about life in general and all the random decisions that bring us to where we are, I realized something important. There are people that we will meet no matter what path we take. It’s not so much profound as a painful reality. Some people are just there to break your heart, and you will find them no matter what.

Maybe I should back up a bit. A few years back, I decided I really wanted to be a Special Agent for the FBI. (Obviously that didn’t pan out. I need to “distinguish” myself. Whatever.) I could have made that happen if I wanted it more than I wanted to see my name on the cover of a published book, but since being a published author is a much older dream, I’m going for that one. Anyway, my ex was, at one time working on a psychology degree with the intent of becoming a profiler with the FBI. Life happened, he didn’t end up there, but our lives intersected.

So, I’m willing to wager that if everything panned out for those two alternate paths, we would have in fact met. And, since the universe is cruel, much the same thing would have happened.

I’m content with that knowledge, that there was no way to avoid the end because what happened was already written, set up as fixed point in time so that whatever happens next could happen. I know one thing, if I was still with my ex, I wouldn’t be gearing up for a LARP. I might not be working on my fifth and sixth novels, or the scads of short stories I’m trying to get done. I certainly wouldn’t be living on my own (which, I’ve become quite fond of). So, yes, it hurt, I’m still putting the pieces back together, but without pain, there’s no getting to what’s next. There’s no next chapter or next book. There’s no change or growth. Maybe that’s all that matters. Change and growth, searching for answers to the deepest, most personal questions, and becoming a better person.

I hope so, because if I’m wrong, then I’ll have a much different story to tell later on.


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