Archive for September, 2012

Of storms and random thoughts.

Posted in writing with tags , , , , on September 4, 2012 by generatedanomaly

The rain started now, louder than before. The thunder has faded into the background, lightning past with it until the other edge of the storm gets here. In the mean time, I’ll listen to the rain and work on the fourth novel in the series I’m querying and find all the peace that comes with a good storm and good words.

Yesterday, I left work early. Not sure what was going on, whether it was sleep deprivation, or actually being sick, but I slept for fourteen hours and felt better. I napped a little earlier, but it wasn’t much of a nap. My brain is running a mile a minute, refusing to slow down. I need to get words out if I’m going to have any hope of sleeping tonight. And, I do want to sleep tonight. I have a long day at work tomorrow.

I can’t help but wonder if the increased activity is a precursor to something, or just boredom. It might be boredom. In which case, I need to find something to fill my time. Though, I’m hoping it’s a precursor. I’d love for life to get more interesting that it is, and I’d love for the reason to be what the random thoughts have led to, because they’re full of adventure and awesomeness. We could all use more adventure and awesomeness.

The vagueness might be unwarranted, but I really don’t want to jinx myself. So, I’ll keep things vague until I understand what  it is that might happen or will happen, and from there, we’ll see where life leads. I’m certain it’s going to be somewhere filled with adventure, even if I have to create it myself.

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Still right where I need to be.

Posted in writing with tags , , , on September 2, 2012 by generatedanomaly

Sitting here, thinking about life in general and all the random decisions that bring us to where we are, I realized something important. There are people that we will meet no matter what path we take. It’s not so much profound as a painful reality. Some people are just there to break your heart, and you will find them no matter what.

Maybe I should back up a bit. A few years back, I decided I really wanted to be a Special Agent for the FBI. (Obviously that didn’t pan out. I need to “distinguish” myself. Whatever.) I could have made that happen if I wanted it more than I wanted to see my name on the cover of a published book, but since being a published author is a much older dream, I’m going for that one. Anyway, my ex was, at one time working on a psychology degree with the intent of becoming a profiler with the FBI. Life happened, he didn’t end up there, but our lives intersected.

So, I’m willing to wager that if everything panned out for those two alternate paths, we would have in fact met. And, since the universe is cruel, much the same thing would have happened.

I’m content with that knowledge, that there was no way to avoid the end because what happened was already written, set up as fixed point in time so that whatever happens next could happen. I know one thing, if I was still with my ex, I wouldn’t be gearing up for a LARP. I might not be working on my fifth and sixth novels, or the scads of short stories I’m trying to get done. I certainly wouldn’t be living on my own (which, I’ve become quite fond of). So, yes, it hurt, I’m still putting the pieces back together, but without pain, there’s no getting to what’s next. There’s no next chapter or next book. There’s no change or growth. Maybe that’s all that matters. Change and growth, searching for answers to the deepest, most personal questions, and becoming a better person.

I hope so, because if I’m wrong, then I’ll have a much different story to tell later on.