Archive for February, 2012

An overly vague snynopsis of the numerous dark turns my life has taken.

Posted in Life as it happens, writing on February 8, 2012 by generatedanomaly

I  want to write something so badly, to get it all out where I can study it, but now isn’t the time. This isn’t the place. Not yet, not until the final changes are made and the world has righted itself once more. Except, I think my fear is that nothing will ever be right again. That maybe everything will always be wrong, slight askew on the mass tapestry that is life. I’ll never get where I want to be. I’ll always be working some dead end job because I don’t have the gumption to follow through.

Yeah. I don’t believe that either. If my life were a series, right now I’m in that space between books where all the boring stuff happens. Details are getting sorted and action is waiting to happen, but it’s all shuffling numbers and trying to figure out what can work and what won’t. It’s all shifting perspective, and down time before bursting into the next thing. Sometimes I wish I could skip the waiting and go right to the action. It’s also those moments when I wish I was independently wealthy. As horrible as it is, having money makes things happen more quickly. As it stands now, it will be at least a month before I can start to think about my plan. Then I’ll explain everything. Possibly in excruciating detail.


A public service announcement of sorts.

Posted in Video games, writing with tags , , on February 3, 2012 by generatedanomaly

I’m not sure where to begin. The last couple weeks have been a bumpy ride, almost like someone forgot to post a warning. Something along the lines of “Some days it’s just easier to go to jail and pay your fine.” That’s how I operate in Skyrim most the time. I just pay the fine and move on with my day. Not that I’ve done anything in real life to warrant fine paying, so that just leaves me with this dull ache in my head and an overbearing desire to tell a lot of people to fuck off.

Deep down, I think I understand what the problem is. I’m working in the living room. And while I’m glad my boyfriend is letting me use his desktop, there’s still that sense of it not being my computer or my space. I’m floundering creatively, trying my hardest to make it work when what I really need is a new laptop and to get back into the office. I miss my space, my creative haven.

All right, I really need to put a few things down. Things that might eventually get me into trouble, but if I don’t they’ll fester inside and make the next incident worse. If nothing else, I’m excellent at internalizing anguish. Also, this is a note to the rest of the world…

There are a lot of people who work very hard to put merchandise on the floors at all the stores you like to shop at. Sometimes those people are also in charge of signing, pricing and running around to take care of customers. Often, they don’t have enough hours to do all the things they’re supposed to get done because someone up the corporate ladder at their company has decided that the job can be done in a quarter of the time it actually takes to do it correctly.

That being said, sometimes mistakes are made. But, for the love of God, try to be nice to the person. They might snap at you. They might overreact, their minds shuddering at thought of dealing with the fifth difficult customer in a row. It might not be intentional. They might be having a horrible day, and what you do next might actually have the power to make their day better. Retail is one of the hardest jobs to do. It’s just below food service. I’ve worked both, and the continuous flood of entitled expectation is enough to make you want to go on a murderous rampage some days. Those twenty-something “kids” working the register, they’re putting themselves through college. Some of us are there because the jobs we were promised by our professors and government aren’t within our financial means to move to.

I guess what I’m saying is don’t assume someone’s an invalid or beneath you because they’re working a minimum wage job. Odds are they’re working toward something else, something larger and more amazing that you’d ever guess by looking at them. And, while  I can’t speak for the rest of my retail brethren, I’ll do my best to be patient with you. Some days, I just need someone to meet me halfway.

Okay, PSA over, and you know what? I feel a lot better. Maybe today won’t suck as much. I’m putting my faith in you Friday, don’t disappoint me.