Has it really been a week already?

That’s the first question I’m asking myself this morning. Have I really been out in the working world for a week? I think I can safely say that while I like the job I have I’m not a fan of scheduled work in particular. I miss the free flow of my days where I worked on writing for eight hours or so before playing video games or watching something on Netflix. Now the time I have at home seems condensed into a few hours that I’m not sleeping. I’m hoping for fewer hours next week and more time in front of the computer.

That sounds horrible. I know. I have a job, but I’m so disenchanted with the establishments that I want to do my own thing. At least this job I’m just given a list of things to get done and they need to get done before the end of the night. That part makes me happy, but the rest of it, the 30-45 minute drive, the constant movement with no time to think, the laundry and dishes piling up because I don’t have time to get to them, that all makes me unhappy. Trying to cram hours of thought process into the snipits of time I get (like the next three hours before I have to go in, while doing laundry and maybe dishes) is giving me stress headaches.

Sure, it might be self-imposed stress, but it’s still stress. I was happy before, in my world of words and amazing people. I still find happiness in those moments when I get some words down. I find happiness in the random thoughts that pop into my head while I’m doing something menial, or while I’m driving back in forth.

I don’t know. Maybe I’m really not cut out for “traditional” work, and after having seen what my happiness looked like, I have no reason to work some job I dislike other than money.  From where I’m sitting, that’s a crappy reason. I’ll see out the seasonal aspect of my employment. Two months of crazy schedules and undue stress. When it gets toward the end, I’m finding a writing gig or two and some editing work. I need to think of my mental health, not the health of my bank account. I need to perfect my craft, not worry about some job that might not be there in a couple of months.

It might sound horrible, but I know what I want to do with my life and I see no reason to not pursue it. Even if it takes me years to get where I want to be, doing what I love to do is better than any alternative posed. Now, I just need to get it done.


2 Responses to “Has it really been a week already?”

  1. I was just thinking about this earlier today. I graduated 6 years ago & have been doing regular work for over 5 years now. I can remember being in college & honestly not believing I could go into work day in & day out. I miss waking up in the morning, grabbing some breakfast, going back to sleep, and then hanging out with friends into the late hours of the night. Oh well you grow up & find new avenues of fun……..right?………RIGHT? 🙂

    • Certainly we find different avenues of fun as we grow and change. For me, it’s not so much the thought of going to work everyday. It’s the thought of going to work and being stressed out and miserable because of my job. I want to have that sense of happiness and satisfaction that what I’m putting my time into is worth doing. I found that when I was writing day in and day out. The problem became that I wasn’t making money off the writing (yet) and I have entirely too many student loan payments to make.

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