Archive for November, 2011

I might have forgotten what working an incredible time sink of a job is like.

Posted in writing with tags , on November 28, 2011 by generatedanomaly

Apparently working a “part-time” job makes me negligent in my blogging duties. I put part-time in quotes because I’ve been over their hour threshold for part-time three out of the five weeks I’ve worked. I do like the money. I’m good with that part, I’m just tired of the standard practice in retail of working someone more hours than you hired them for and being able to get away with it for a certain number of weeks.

It means I could work for ten weeks in a row at more then the part-time marker and if I’m under it the eleventh, they can put be back above week twelve because week eleven reset the count. Which, by the way, I think is a stupid way to run things. Maybe that’s why I’m drawn to writing. Things are what they are there. I get told I’m getting paid so much a word and that’s what it is. It behooves me to write more words, but if they aren’t quality, then they won’t get bought anyway.

I’m sure some would say that’s a simplistic view of life, but if more things were straightforward and lacked the thinly veiled bullshit maybe people would be happier. Though, I’m certain some people would find something else to mope about. People are that way.

Since I have a few hours yet before I need to think about getting ready to go to the day job, I’m going to start this next chapter. I know I’m going to have to do some serious restructuring of the chapters when I get done. There are pieces to fill in earlier in the book and I think I missed a few good end points on my way through. We’ll see how that works out. And, this week I have two days off in a row. That means cleaning and writing. Mostly writing. A lot of writing. Because that makes everything else seem a little better.

Reflections on 27 and Hopes for being 28.

Posted in Life as it happens, writing with tags , , , on November 20, 2011 by generatedanomaly

My birthday was Friday. I am now 28. In high school, that number felt so far away, the thought of being 30 never entered my mind. Now it sort of looms there, waiting for me with an open embrace and the promise that, really, things are just getting started. Because I’ve already done more in the last year than I’ve done in the previous ones and I’m certain that won’t stop.

I flew for the first time, and as far as first times go, it was a bit dodgy with the small commuter jet and the persistent rumble of the engine. The clouds were amazing, the landscapes of shadow and light above the cold mix of rain and snow beneath us.

I went to my first huge convention, PAX East. It was more and less than I expected, but it pulled me from a comfort zone and I’m glad for that. We’re going again this coming year (driving out this time. Six hours, but we get to spend more time in Boston, so I’m game.) which, when I think about does make me excited. I’m planning on going to more panels this time and milling about a bit more. I need to stretch that comfort zone a bit more and work on not getting annoyed with people just trying to do the same thing I’m trying to do.

I received my Masters’ degree. (Now to pay off the loans. Not looking forward to that bit.) It’s one of those things I’m glad I have, but it also leaves me with a bit of sadness because maybe I shouldn’t have spent quite so much money I didn’t have on school. The thing being that at the time, I needed to go back for my own sanity and my healing process. Now, I’m out and making the most of things, and looking for a more permanent solution than seasonal employment. But that’s neither here nor there.

I have, probably, the best boyfriend in the world, certainly the best I could ever hope for. He’s a bit rough to be around sometimes, but despite the constant attempts at being an asshole, deep inside he cares and holy hell is he supportive. That’s what I need more than anything else, someone to be emotionally supportive while I put myself through the wringer that is trying to get something published.

Perhaps the largest thing I’ve done this past year is throw myself into writing. I know I’ve said it before. I talk about it a lot, but I’m still wrapping my mind around it. I accepted the fact that I am a writer and it has made me a million times happier. The first thing I want to do in the morning is add words to whatever file I have open, even before coffee and breakfast.

So, there it is, the biggest highlights of last year. This year is going to be full of excitement and opportunity. I know it is, because 28 is a pretty cool number, plus I have no intention of sitting around and letting it be lame.

And, before I forget, my birthday celebration was pretty slamming. Other than the constant threats/promises of going to see Breaking Dawn. (I know she’s doing something right, but I really can’t stand the underdeveloped characters and shimmering vampires.) I’m glad for my friends, not just the ones that went with Randy and I, but everyone else too. I wouldn’t be where I am today without my friends, because while family is awesome, friends will go along with the crazy ideas long before they develop into rational, thought out ideas. All they ask is that you do the same in return, and maybe keep them from doing something that will land them in jail.

 

The not so random thoughts roaming through my mind.

Posted in writing with tags , , on November 16, 2011 by generatedanomaly

First, I should start by saying that my shift today was much better than the previous shifts I had this week. While it may sound like whining, or that I don’t want to work, it’s more that I’d appreciate some consistency in expectation. It’s really not too much to ask. Anyway, I’d still rather be writing, but that’s a permanent feature of my personality. And, just so we’re all on the same page, writing is work. It’s work I enjoy doing. I like the research, outlining, and plotting. I like getting into a character’s head and figuring out what’s going on in there that makes them so completely broken. I’m a writer. Plain and simple, that’s all there is to it.

Second, someone posted on Twitter about the Windows version of Scrivener. I’m running on the trial now and I know what I’m asking for as a Christmas gift (or getting myself if they do decide to keep me on past the holiday season.) I love being able to put all of my notes and thoughts in one place. I also love the “project targets” option. I’ve written just over 800 words today with most of that taking place before I went in for my shift. I need to play with the other features more, but I’d gladly pay the $40 for the program because I know it will help me get stuff done.

Third, I don’t much have one. I’m enjoying the time I have in front of the computer getting words into place. It makes me feel human, as strange as that may be. We each find our thing in life, hopefully sooner rather than later. Well, this is mine. I’m good at it. I could be better, of course, but that’s part of the learning process. However long that process is, I’m willing to follow it through. There’s something to be said about determination.

Longing and lamentations. I’ll get over them eventually.

Posted in Uncategorized on November 14, 2011 by generatedanomaly

It’s funny the things that run through you mind when you feel like you’re being chastised for no reason. There are things that make me want to scream, and there are some that lead my brain to the horrible dark places where the monsters lurk. It amuses me the triggers and places my mind goes when I’m trying hard not to get upset over things beyond my control.

So, I have new ideas roaming around my head. I know which characters I want to play with those ideas and how badly things are going to go before then end of the story. It’s simply a matter of sitting down and writing them. Which, is a little easier said than done at times. I’m hoping that writing this will help organize my thoughts, because really, that’s what I need right now. Some thorough organization, because my creative life is spinning horribly out of control.

I know it’s not as bad as I’m making it out to be. I’ve just hit a strange place in life where things aren’t quite what I wanted them to be. It’s a thing. Not necessarily a bad thing if I can work through the strange mental funk I seem to find myself in. It’s the longing for what  I had that gets me. Longing for the simplicity of the complex life I created for myself. It’ll be fine once I adjust to how things are, or get to the end of December. Which ever comes first, but something will change. It always does. I’m just hoping it goes the direction I want it to go in. That would be ideal.

Has it really been a week already?

Posted in writing with tags , , on November 11, 2011 by generatedanomaly

That’s the first question I’m asking myself this morning. Have I really been out in the working world for a week? I think I can safely say that while I like the job I have I’m not a fan of scheduled work in particular. I miss the free flow of my days where I worked on writing for eight hours or so before playing video games or watching something on Netflix. Now the time I have at home seems condensed into a few hours that I’m not sleeping. I’m hoping for fewer hours next week and more time in front of the computer.

That sounds horrible. I know. I have a job, but I’m so disenchanted with the establishments that I want to do my own thing. At least this job I’m just given a list of things to get done and they need to get done before the end of the night. That part makes me happy, but the rest of it, the 30-45 minute drive, the constant movement with no time to think, the laundry and dishes piling up because I don’t have time to get to them, that all makes me unhappy. Trying to cram hours of thought process into the snipits of time I get (like the next three hours before I have to go in, while doing laundry and maybe dishes) is giving me stress headaches.

Sure, it might be self-imposed stress, but it’s still stress. I was happy before, in my world of words and amazing people. I still find happiness in those moments when I get some words down. I find happiness in the random thoughts that pop into my head while I’m doing something menial, or while I’m driving back in forth.

I don’t know. Maybe I’m really not cut out for “traditional” work, and after having seen what my happiness looked like, I have no reason to work some job I dislike other than money.  From where I’m sitting, that’s a crappy reason. I’ll see out the seasonal aspect of my employment. Two months of crazy schedules and undue stress. When it gets toward the end, I’m finding a writing gig or two and some editing work. I need to think of my mental health, not the health of my bank account. I need to perfect my craft, not worry about some job that might not be there in a couple of months.

It might sound horrible, but I know what I want to do with my life and I see no reason to not pursue it. Even if it takes me years to get where I want to be, doing what I love to do is better than any alternative posed. Now, I just need to get it done.

Changes to flow of my life.

Posted in writing with tags , on November 4, 2011 by generatedanomaly

I worked my first shift today. I’m grateful for the employment, but at the same time I miss my office and my writing chair. There’s so much to do and not nearly enough time to do it in which simply means I need to buckle down and make things happen.

The fact that I miss my office amuses me. The shift in my mentality from when I started seriously writing at the beginning of the summer and now is fantastic. I see myself as a writer. I introduce myself as a writer. I’m getting used to the reactions. So far I’ve run into two. The first is “Oh, I’m a writer too!” and the second is confusion coupled with indifference. I feel like those will change, at least a little.

So, here I am, watching MidSomer Murders on Netflix, plucking away at my word count searching, and thinking about what I’m going to do at the end of December when I’m not longer employed. (Seasonal employment for the win. Though, there’s a slim chance they might keep me on. I’m not going to rely on that though. It’s best not to.) I have a few ideas. Acting on them is going to be the important part. No fear. Into the breach. Whatever it takes. Yes. I think. It’s the best, and only plan I’ve got.

Random realizations and coming to grips with it being November already.

Posted in writing with tags , , on November 2, 2011 by generatedanomaly

November. First, what the hell? This year is just flying by. It might be the lack of oppressive scheduling, or maybe time does go faster when you’re having fun. I’m not sure and I probably don’t want to know. I feel like it’s safer not knowing the secrets of the cosmos. At least, not the real ones.

Second, to all those doing NaNoWriMo, best of luck. I’ll see you on the other side. I’m not participating this year, partly because I have no idea what my work schedule is going to look like and partly because I started the novel I’m working on the middle of last month. This one has been like pulling teeth, slow and painful, since I cleared the third chapter. So, enjoy the mad dash to the end of the month and may you have nothing but smooth writing. I’ll meet you there, hopefully with the zero draft of this novel done.

There’s not really a third thing. Only whatever random bits float through my mind. I have a long to do list, that’s mostly cleaning. For some reason I seem to focus better while there’s laundry or dishes being done. Then I actually get the other stuff taken care of too. I’m weird. I already know that.

It’s nice to be back in my office. I migrated out when it was too cold in here to type, but despite the lack of curtains and actual heating vents, it’s nice in here. My caulking job this past spring worked. It’s true test will come in a month or two when the wind is really howling, but for right now, I’m content with the office floor.

Now that I’m back in here, I have my lists and spreadsheets and calendar where I can see them. It’s a tad more formal and exactly what I needed right now to get my ass in gear again. That and some music. I’m not a fan of listening to road noises, not when I could be listening to some good music.