Archive for April, 2011

I Really Need to Stop Being Lazy

Posted in Uncategorized on April 30, 2011 by generatedanomaly

I’ve been slacking again. My revisions stalled about half way through the book. In my defense, it’s incredibly hard to function when you’re in massive amounts of pain.

The pain has faded. Now I need to get some serious work done. I already finished a few things. Go me. I still have a lot to do, and need to keep my back from stiffening up in the mean time. That’s proving to be trickier than anything else. This couch is not built for back support. So, having inched back to the edge, I’m going to hang out here and do some typing.

Let’s see if I can’t get through some more of this chapter on my revisions, then lesson plans. Won’t miss writing those. Though, I’ll write whatever I have to earn some money. Might as well be all over desperate if I’m going to desperate at all.

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Mind-Numbing Pain

Posted in Uncategorized on April 28, 2011 by generatedanomaly

I hurt my back last night. We went to Dunkin to get coffee for Randy’s allnighter. When we got back into the car, I guess I sat down wrong because there was a shooting pain. I had done something about a year ago, but it wasn’t that bad then. So, thinking it was similar, I took my shower and went to bed.

When I woke up this morning, I could barely move. I made it downstairs, went to the bathroom, and made a couple phone calls. If I can’t walk, then I can’t get to school. And there was no way I would have survived teaching today. All I can hope is that it doesn’t affect my grade.

I’m pretty sure it won’t. When I called my supervisor this morning, I was almost in tears from the constant pain. Every muscle in my lower back was trying to tighten at once. Most of them were succeeding. Every step of the ten feet between the bathroom and the couch felt like someone was trying to escape from my abdominal cavity by punching me right behind the kidneys.

I’ve been laying about the whole day, periodically getting up to use the toilet. My mobility has increased. The pain faded, but still there. It’s still there, but no where near as mind-numbing as it was this morning. Now, it’s a dull ache that’s just hanging out in my lower back. I can sit up straight again. That’s something, because I wouldn’t be typing this. Not bad for eight hours of listing about.

While the day didn’t go as planned, I am going to call it a win. Whenever I’m in pain I just look at it as giving me a better idea of what to describe later. While being in pain is horrible, the feeling does help to make my writing more authentic.

Now that I’m upright again, I might as well try to get some work done. I still have lots that needs to get done.

People make no sense

Posted in writing on April 27, 2011 by generatedanomaly

My supervisor came in today. She watched me teach a lesson. Decided to be a little crankier than last time. That’s not what got me. I can take criticism on the teaching stuff, but when she implied that I didn’t know how to write it stung a little.

The complaint was broad, directed toward the whole of her charges. People my age don’t understand how to format letters. We don’t get the nuances of the English language. While I can’t speak for my fellow student teachers, I feel that I have a decent command of the written word. There is room for improvement. There is always room for improvement. That might be the piece that the other student teachers have trouble with.

I have my list of additions and other revisions that need to be made. Those will be tonight’s project. I could call them my first formal revisions since I declared myself a writer. In fact, I think I will. My first formal revisions go with my first formal rejection.

The story I put together for a contest didn’t place. The good news, I can do something else with it. The bad news, um… I didn’t place. It happens. The important part is not to give up. I’ll find another contest to enter, another writing job to do. I’ll get my revisions done, work on the other things I need to do, and then get to work on the other things I want to do. High on that list is the revisions for my novel.

Sleep… Who needs that?

Posted in Uncategorized on April 26, 2011 by generatedanomaly

I didn’t exactly sleep well last night. That might be an understatement. Not sleeping well still implies sleep. What happened was more of a half awake torture that drew out over the five hours I attempted to sleep.

The things that move through my mind when I’m not sleeping are… not exactly the most pleasant things. It makes me wonder about my sanity. Though, if I had any semblance of sanity left, I wouldn’t be a writer. I’d pick something normal like, um, I’m not even sure what is normal anymore. The whole world is full of normal. I’d like to be something different than normal.

The other thing I’d like, to finish my revisions. The only reason they aren’t done yet is these silly little other things that need to be done. Notes to write for my classes. Papers to write for my supervisor. Papers to grade.

Two more weeks and then the student teaching will be done. I can focus on my projects again. Which will be awesome. I need to get some of these things out of my mind before I start hallucinating.  That would just be dangerous for everyone around me.

Holidays

Posted in Holidays, writing on April 24, 2011 by generatedanomaly

Sometimes the dichotomy between childhood and being an adult frightens me. Here it is, Easter Sunday, and the childhood me wants colored eggs and way too much sugar. The adult me, well, I’ve been watching crime dramas and working on revisions between loads of laundry.

I think the largest difference lays in the fact that to me, today is just another day. There’s nothing special about it. Tomorrow I’m back at school. I have two classes to teach, and a lunch duty that is bound to be interesting.  I’ll keep plugging away at the revisions. I’ll probably get a short story finalized and sent in for another contest, or that might be Tuesday’s project.

The holiday has no meaning to me. Oh, once we have kids, it will. Right now I’m just in that strange nether space of the late 20’s where I want all those things I used to have as a child, but can’t rationalize it with my adult standing. So, I focus on what matters, writing, laundry, eventually getting some other work done because wallowing in self pity over things that I can’t have seems like a waste of time.

Sure, I can go buy candy and color some eggs, but it’s that magic of belief that’s gone. I know I’m the one who put it together. It didn’t magically appear over night. God, I miss childhood.

Maybe that’s why I’ve gravitated toward urban fantasy lately. I miss the magic. If I can’t have it, I can at least write about it. And that’s better than nothing.

I do enjoy that strange kind of magic that lights up the world. So, maybe it isn’t a bad way to spend this holiday. After all, tomorrow it’s back to reality and trying to get a million things done. Welcome to being an adult. Enjoy your stay.

Papers Really Aren’t that Different

Posted in writing on April 22, 2011 by generatedanomaly

I have this paper I need to write for my social justice class. It’s just a little thing where I have to come up with five examples of lessens that  show and address social injustices, informing students about the possibilities of life. I think I’m making is sound more grand than it is.

The whole paper won’t be more than 800 words. I can write that in no time. I just need to sit down and actually write it.

So, why haven’t I? Why am I, instead, working on a strawberry Popsicle and watching South Park? So many reasons… Part of it is that it’s not due until tomorrow. Not that it’s a good reason. You should always get things done before they’re due, especially to allow time for revisions.

Having run out of good reasons, maybe I’ll just look at it like any other piece or writing assignment. If I think of it like I need to get it into an editor, it might get done more quickly. Here goes.

Motivation

Posted in Creative Problem Solving on April 21, 2011 by generatedanomaly

It’s no secret that sometimes we’re not motivated. Everyone has days when they aren’t. Half the people I know are going through a period of low motivation and I’m pretty sure it’s contagious.

The feeling of I’m going to watch this thing on tv because, well, I don’t want to do anything else. Is the thing interesting? No. Is it informative? Not really. Then why are you watching it? Because. Or, maybe it’s not tv. Maybe it’s floating about the internet reading articles about things that don’t even matter.

Oh, internet, you are such a time sink. All the energy in the world flows into the internet. Entire days disappear into its never-ending piles of information. It doesn’t even have to be good information.

Right. Motivation. Luckily the contagion hasn’t affected my writing… yet. It has however gathered up in my school work and is sitting atop the mass right now, flag planted, ready for the long haul. It says, there’s no need to get this done. You have more important things to do. I’m inclined to agree… but  would also like to have my degree soon.

So, how do you break the wall and oust the contagion, flag and all from the lush fields of your mind? That’s a good question. Well, when it comes to writing, I usually stare at the cursor for a bit, then wander off to a different project.

That doesn’t seem to be working. I’ve tried all my usual fixes too. Taking a shower, doing housework (Being productive to avoid productivity. It lessens the guilt.), working on another project… But still, there’s no motivation to get it done. There’s no sense of urgency. Hell, I’ve even tried to bribe myself with writing as a means to get it done.

That was a failure. I spent five hours grading exams and didn’t even get all of them done. I have a new definition of pain by the way. It sets in somewhere around the fourth exam and just makes you hate your life.

Maybe a list will help. Sometimes seeing what needs to be done can make it easier to get through the things that we don’t want to do. I’m going to go do that. I’ll let you know how it turns out.

If it doesn’t work, a time machine is always an option. Especially when it comes equipped with a Timelord. Just saying.